Dramatic Monologue #1

DISCLAIMER: I have not based this upon anyone personally, I’ve just created a dramatic and distressing situation using my imagination to build the character speaking. If you have had any road traffic accidents or significant deaths within the family you may wish to skip this monologue. If you continue to read, you must imagine that you are reading it from a single perspective, if you follow the link at the end, you can find out details that you may want explained.

I died last night.

I mean, it’s not like I intended it to, it just happened, you know? Like I couldn’t control the situation any more than you could, I guess it’s just one of those things.

It’s not every day that your last words to someone are the last words you hear on repeat, racing around your mind. It’s kinda ironic really? Well I think it’s ironic, they teach us it in school, but it doesn’t really go in at half past eight in the morning. Funny isn’t it, for a 15 year-old girl the biggest thing to worry and care about is the exams, yet here I am, stuck in this room with you, asking me all these questions that I don’t know how to answer and who to look for the answers.

I can only imagine glimpses of what could have happened, I mean, you’ve seen the footage on the news right? It is just chaos and torture in all of 3 seconds. The blue flashing lights still sting my eyes…

I remember your call. You said “Hello is this Kylie?” To think I was so stupid to think it was one of those idiots from call centres. I guess I’m the idiot to think it could be something so… so easy. I was about to hang up and then your words stopped me breathing: “This is PC McField talking. I regret to inform you that there has been an accident.” Do you remember that, or am I just another job that you will add to your list? Adding it to your inventory of horrific events that you have to attend to.

I wasn’t there and that’s my fault too. You could say that it’s my fault that this all happened, I mean I literally DROVE them away. And that’s something that I have to live with.

You know the last words I said to them? I said, “I hate you! I hope to never see you ever again and I wish I was never in this family!” Those words… Anyway, as you can imagine the stupid little girl inside of me screamed and ran away from them, my family- Mum, Dad, Oscar, Andy, and… they didn’t deserve what I said to them but it was in that moment that I sealed their fate. I guess you could say that if it wasn’t for me and my big mouth, they’d still be alive.

After I ran off, I went on a walk and kept on walking, I didn’t know where I was headed or where I was, but I just wanted to keep walking away. I now realise that I wasn’t just running away from my problems- I was walking away from my family. How was I supposed to know that they’d come after me after what I said? But they did. And if I’m honest I wished they hadn’t, they would still be alive. I, after a while would have gone home, had a long cry, cuddle and everything would be like it was… It would be normal. But I can’t get that back, they did come after me in their car, and a stupid driver texting at the wheel killed ‘em all. I thought it was your job to get people like that off the roads. 

If you’d have told me that the worst pain isn’t of losing a boyfriend, or getting braces, or even breaking an arm, but loosing everything; that’s what rips your heart out and makes you cry and cry… till all the water has been drained from your body. 

Alone and dead, inside. 

Does that answer your question of ‘how am I feeling’? 

Please see my explanation of this monologue, where I will try to give some context and hopefully answer some questions that you may have: DramaticMonologue1Explained.

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